Letters of Recommendation: who to ask, when, and what to give them

Letters of recommendation are the only part of your application written by someone else. AOs use them to triangulate. Does this kid sound the way they wrote about themselves? Did they show up? Are they someone teachers actually want to write a long letter for? A great letter is rarely the difference between an admit and a deny on its own, but a weak letter is often the tiebreaker that breaks the wrong way.

Here is how to set yourself up for the best letter possible.

Who to ask

The default move is "ask whoever gave me an A." That is wrong. AOs read letters from teachers who actually know you, not from teachers in classes where you did well. The two are not the same.

Ask:

• A junior-year teacher in a core academic subject (math, English, science, history, foreign language)
• Ideally someone who saw you struggle with something and watched you work through it
• Someone who can tell a specific story about you, not summarize your effort with adjectives

Avoid:

• Freshman-year teachers (too long ago)
• Coaches and club advisors (unless explicitly invited as a supplemental letter; they cannot replace the academic letter)
• The teacher of an "easy A" elective if you have a stronger option in a core subject
• A teacher you have only had for a semester, if you have a year-long alternative

Most schools want two letters from core academic teachers. Plus your counselor, who writes a separate letter regardless.

When to ask

The honest answer: end of junior year, before summer. The half-honest answer: first two weeks of senior year at the latest. The "I am asking three weeks before the deadline" answer: you are going to get a generic letter, and that is your fault.

Teachers write tens of these. The best letters are the ones a teacher had time to think about. Asking in May or June for fall deadlines gives them the entire summer to draft something good. Asking in October means they are batching twenty letters in two weeks, and your letter will read like the average of them.

How to ask

Schedule a fifteen-minute meeting. Do not just send an email. Email is fine to set up the meeting. The actual ask happens in person.

The meeting:

1. Thank them for being one of the teachers you have learned the most from.
2. Tell them you are applying to a list of schools and that their letter would matter.
3. Ask if they feel they could write you a strong letter. If they hesitate at all, ask someone else. A lukewarm letter is worse than a different teacher's strong one.
4. If they agree, offer to send them a packet (next section).

The "could you write a strong letter" question is the most important one in this whole process. Teachers who are not sure will say so if you give them an out. The ones who say "yes, definitely" are the ones who will write something good.

What to give them

This packet is the difference between a generic letter and a great one. Send them, two to four weeks before the deadline:

• A list of schools and deadlines, ordered by date
• A one-page brag sheet (a few bullets each on: your activities, what you are most proud of in their class specifically, what you are planning to study in college, and why)
• A copy of your Common App essay if it is finalized (so the letter can complement, not duplicate)
• The link to upload to Naviance / SchooLinks / whatever your school uses
• Your phone number in case they have questions

The brag sheet is not optional. Even teachers who know you well will write a much better letter if you remind them about specific things. They are not going to remember the time you stayed after class to argue about the Reconstruction. They will remember it if you put it in the brag sheet.

What you cannot do

You cannot read the letter. Most teachers will not show you, and you should waive your right to see letters in the Common App. Schools heavily discount unwaived letters because the assumption is that you read it and approved it. Trust your teachers.

You cannot pick what they say. Your job is to give them the raw material. Their job is to write the letter. Some teachers will ask you what you want them to highlight. If they do, be specific. "I would love if you could mention the research project we talked about, since it ties into my essay" is a fair thing to say. "Please mention I have leadership skills" is a request that will produce a generic line about leadership.

A sample request email

Hi Mr. Patel,

I am applying to college this fall and I am hoping you would be willing to write one of my recommendation letters. Your AP Lit class was the one I learned the most from, and the work we did on the Faulkner unit ended up shaping how I think about the personal statement I am writing now.

I would love to grab fifteen minutes after school next week if you are open to it, so I can explain where I am applying and what I am planning to write about. I will follow up with a packet with deadlines, a short brag sheet, and a copy of my Common App essay so you have everything in one place.

No pressure if your plate is full this fall. I appreciate you considering it either way.

Thanks, [Name]

That email works because it is specific, it gives the teacher an out, and it signals that you are organized. Compare that with "hi can you write me a recommendation thanks." One of these gets a great letter. One of these does not.

What to do next

Make a list of three to five teachers you would consider. Score them on three criteria: how well they know you, how recently they taught you, and how strong of a writer they are. Pick the top two. Schedule the meetings now. Build the brag sheet over the weekend. Send the packet within the next two weeks.

If you have a coach, mentor, or research advisor who knows you better than any teacher, ask them about a supplemental letter, but do not let it replace the academic letter. Schools want both academic and personal context, not just one.

Once your letters are squared away, the next step is the activities section and the Common App essay if you have not nailed those yet.